the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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