She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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