fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
