You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
