Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
These tits shall not be calmed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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