It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
