she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
