I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
