When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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