Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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