My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
