Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
