well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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