I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
