theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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