they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
