Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
