New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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