Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
