i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
