Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
