Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
