What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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