Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
