Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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