Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
