Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
