They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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