I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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