My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
