sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
