just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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