Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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