even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
