all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
