i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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