i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I deserve this hangover.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
