I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
