I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
