I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
