Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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