Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
