for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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