i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
