also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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