they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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