I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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