I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
