I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never underestimate the power of titties
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