I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
