I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
